My father who is a student of psychology, having received his graduate degree in psychology has always formed his perception of behavior and parenting skills based upon that foundation.
The other day, after a family gathering, he and I were talking and he shared with me his observations of my son Wyatt. He said that he had observed Wyatt, not yet in preschool, exhibiting behavior while playing with some of his little cousins the same way he plays with his daddy when they are rough-housing and being crazy together. The problem he said with that was that his behavior would not be tolerated when taking place in another setting outside of his home. It could be perceived as bullying or defiance.
He went on to point out how it would not be too late for a course correction at this stage of the game and it would help this little grandchild avoid the parent -teacher conferences that could be ahead of him if he continued this behavior into the school environment.
It made me stop and think about how important our role as leaders and a mentors is in the eyes of the people with whom we associate. Whether it is at within your family, work, church, or professionally. My dad explained it this way, he indicated that it was what they called role modeling, and children especially, will do exactly as they see versus what they are told to do. Psychologists call it, “monkey see, monkey do”.
Well, let’s think a minute about how this ‘monkey story’ might apply to you. Let’s face it that when we are trying out something new and looking for some guidance and instruction, we gravitate towards those who have already demonstrated some successes in that particular field. But, have you ever associated or worked with anybody that seems to do one thing and say another? What are the results of that as you consider “modeling” or copying their behavior? You observe that what they say looks really promising but then you see what they do is incongruent with what they have been preaching. It shakes your confidence – doesn’t it? For example they tell you what a great company this is but when you are alone with them, all they do is criticize and tear-apart the leaders, products – you get the picture.
Don’t you find yourself eventually questioning their guidance and counsel because of that nagging doubt? Imagine what impact that has on someone who has made that step to join you and places all their faith and confidence in you as the person who is going to help me achieve my goals and basically – change my life. After all isn’t that ‘change of life’ what motivates them in the first place!
Now what if you take the approach of helping them model the correct behavior by not only showing and doing what needs to be done and actually practicing what you preach but then you provide the necessary “course corrections” that will help avoid unnecessary challenges later on.
Just like a child’s behavior and development, your sincere interest in seeing them succeed is not because life will be easier for you, although that would be nice, but to see them be able to enjoy a full and successful life or business endeavor.
Tags: change my course, how to change my life, how to find success, how to get motivated, how to motivate others, leadership qualities, parenting skills, practice what you preach, role model
This is so true. Good article.